LIVING & Dying--We Feed The Fire

I am a man & men are animals who tell stories.
This is a gift from our Gods who spoke our species into existence but left the end of our story untold.
That mystery is troubling to us all.
How could it be otherwise?
Without the final part, we think, how are we to make sense of all that went before: which is to say, our lives ?
So we make stories of our own, in fevered & envious imitation of our gods.
Hoping that we will tell by chance, what was left untold & finishing our tale, come to understand why we were born.

FORGOTTEN

There comes a time when one has to look openly at there life & see the truth. I am a man who has not done that for a while. I am to a point destitute, without hope, says alot coming from a person who believes they have always been optimistic beyond reason at times. I suffer from PTSD & it has never been an issue until late. I am about to become homeless, i have done everything i know possible legally to get a job & become a productive part of society. It amazes me that for all i have done for my country that it is so easy for them to forget me. I made one conciuos, moral decision that did not agree with there poilitcal view & i was disavowed, forgotten, just another pawn in there ploy to gain what they need without any consideration for what is right--the proper & just thing to do. As vague as this sounds, the ones to whom this refers to know--i know you are watching-reading--see all i say--to you i say simply this--FUCK YOU. I will always do what is moral & just & if i must become just another ghost in society then so be it--i will never believe i was wrong in my decission--he was a bad man out to do nothing but bring harm to others. He would have still exploited the weak & taken from those who had nothing to give. He was after blood money & i stopped that--to you all i say this is how i stand & will remain--true to the cause, ever avengful to those that oppose fredom as it stands--forget me or i will find you & bring to you that witch u know i can & will. A civilian i am now & seems i will always remain--go your way & leave me or i will find you & bring the lightning you at one time so desired--go your way & leave me or i will come to you as a ghost in the night--the one you trained me to be. Stay your course but leave me be--ho ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

REMEMBRANCE

There are times i wonder why i have done the things i have done. I look at this beautiful country of mine and wonder what I have fought for. At times risked my life and almost lost it--more than once. TY to the team I call BROTHER-every one of you will live in my memory forever.If not for your bravery i would not be writing this. We are older and long forgotten by our country. We have been called uncaring yet unselfish,devils even--yet the same motherfuckers praised us--hailed us then denied we existed.
TO MY BROTHERS I STILL HAIL OUR NAMES & THANK YOU. LONG LIVE THE MEMORY OF OUR FORGOTTEN NAME--HAIL TO THE- MOON WOLVES--HOOO AAAAA BROTHERS

MY MISSED TEAMS CREDO

NIGHT HOLDS NO FEAR FOR THOSE WHO SLEEP UNDER OUR GODS--
THEY CARRY US ON THERE WINGS WHILE WE WIELD OUR SWORDS--
DEATH COMES TO ALL- WE BRING IT TO THE EVIL WHO HARM OTHERS--
HO AAAA

GRATTITUDE TO GODS

In the dark of night there are things--
They do not exist yet there in my dreams--
Won't come true but I wake up sweating--
My reality however would astound-amaze and destroy a normal mans mind--
I handle it without a care in the world--i can't even flinch--
It is impossible for me not to believe i have a powerful gaurdian existing just for me--
without them i would not.

HONEST ME

I am a son, a brother, a grandfather, a nephew, a cousin, a friend,an uncle, a father, a young boy and a grown man. I am confident, scared, terrified and excited. I am loving, caring and thoughtful. I am hopeful. I am sick and tired. I am shy and friendly. I am careful and careless. I am broken and whole. I am misunderstood, misguided and mislead. Kinky & sexual yet modest. Sarcastic yet sincere. I am hard working and determined, but a little scared on the inside. I wish on stars and dream my dreams. I pray to my Gods and cry my tears. I smile on the outside, while I'm dying on the inside. I listen to others who won't listen to me. I walk on eggshells and I walk on fire. I believe in passion. I love you and I push you away. I want you but not so close until I know you completely. I am everything and nothing all at once. And all I want is for you to Love Me

THE WORLD

Boundaries, borders,rules and controls--
These are the things we are told we need--
They tell us they are needed for our survival--
That without them we are lost--
We must break free from this belief--
We must free our minds from such beliefs--
How else will we know what it is to live.

NEW BEGINNINGS

Honeysuckles in the morning breeze-
Birds singing from trees in the yard--
Glistening dew on the blades of grass--
Flowers opening to a world of wonder--
The sun peaking out from the horizon--
A new thought at the moment you awake.

HEAVEN

The salty taste of her sweat on my tongue--
The feel of her hot breath on my skin--
The soft touch of her hand on my face--
The wonderful smell of her hair--
The look of happiness in her eyes--
The sound of her voice whispering in my ear--
In an instant i would be there.

WHAT IS THE QUESTION

I have listened to so many people--
Sat in a multitude of churches--
Read scriptures from many religions--
Seen the actions from so many--
Watched them wander in a sea of bliss--
Observed so many drowning in knowledge--
They are all looking for the same--
You won't find it in a book--
It will not be written on a wall--
It cannot come from someone else--
There is only one place to find it--
It is from within your soul--
It is in you.

FLOW

So many times through our life we think we have a clue about what is going on, to realize eventually we never really know the outcome of so much that has happened--never saw it coming sort of thing. Eventually i always revert back to my Zen meditations & realize there are no reasons for life's events or outcomes, it is all about being in a place at a time.
Having no control of most situations is a hard lesson to learn & even harder to follow.
I always try my best to remember life is a flow & anything pushing that current of life in any direction is probably not going to work & will eventually collapse.
Things just are--People just are = Life just is what it is . A FLOW

WHEN

When my heart is beating next to yours--
When we walk hand in hand--
When i hear your voice in my ear--
When i feel your lips on mine--
When you tell me you are mine forever--
That will be my happiest day .

LOVE

She is a whisper in the wind--
A gentle touch from the breeze--
She is everything i need to put my mind at ease--
Gentle winds bring her near--
I need her touch, her beautiful smile--
I need her eyes looking into mine--
She is the fire i need to keep me warm--
The angel i want to keep me safe--
She is the very soul i want to love--
I beg you, bring her to me .

A DAYDREAM

I'm thinking of a waterfall, tall as the sky --
A huge pool at the bottom surrounded by huge ferns as green as can be --
Everything is glistening from a warm harvest moon --
I picture us there in the middle of it all .

ANGEL OF MINE !!!

Her eyes swallow me with a love beyond description-
Her touch warms me like a warm glowing fire-
Staring into her eyes melts my very soul-
Our bodies move together in one fluid motion, we are as one-
Her passion and desire match mine,every touch,every kiss,every move-
Her lips take me to another level,out of control & burning with desire -
When we dance it makes my mind fill with wanton' passion-
It's as if no one is on the floor but the two of us, Alone-
She makes love to me like she's out of control, i certainly am-
God has finally blessed me with an angel of my own-
THANK YOU

MY FIRST THOUGHT

sometimes you have to ask yourself whaat is most important.Happiness or responsibility ? I think both are truely important but what percentage do u give them. At an earlier time in my life i always put money & various material things first in my life. I have come to a point now that says happiness is most important & monatary values have dwindled considerably. I am much happier although I have very little to show for my life. However the memories will always remain reminding me first & foremost that when i thought of myself lastly, I was the happiest.
Would I choose to have my new focus lead me to financial bliss & complete comfort-of course. Will I compromise at any point to lessen my happiness--absolutely not.
This is my first posting & should it never be read then so be it. I will go on-I will always be the rebel with a will that can never be broken-I will survive all obstacles as always. Life is a journey of experience & trials--it is the biggest game u can play--I WILL FINISH THIS GAME & I WILL BE VICTORIOUS.